


Wrapped in your arms, I'm home...

by kiashyel



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Character Study, M/M, POV Patrick Brewer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25833355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiashyel/pseuds/kiashyel
Summary: It starts with a handshake. A press of palms, a firm but gentle squeeze of fingers, accompanied by a graceful smile and Patrick feels something click inside his chest. Later in his life he will refer to this as the moment his heart began to beat, forever marking his existence into two different lives - Then and Now.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 10
Kudos: 78





	Wrapped in your arms, I'm home...

**Author's Note:**

> _And I'm here to stay  
>  Nothing can separate us  
> And I know I'm okay  
> You cradle me gently  
> Wrapped in your arms, I'm home_  
> \-- Wrapped in Your Arms by Fireflight

It starts with a handshake. A press of palms, a firm but gentle squeeze of fingers, accompanied by a graceful smile and Patrick feels something click inside his chest. Later in his life he will refer to this as the moment his heart began to beat, forever marking his existence into two different lives - Then and Now.

Then, Patrick seemed to himself a man who merely existed, who fit himself to the world’s rules and never questioned the existence of the cold, hard marble of unease nestled in his diaphragm. He lived as he was expected to live until the day he no longer could. Breaking off his engagement to Rachel had been the starting point. He’d shaken off the constricting weight of expectation and hit the road in search of a new life, finally free to find what he wanted for himself.

With his drab and stifling Then life left behind, his Now life is full of warmth and urgency, artfully presented in designer sweaters that are as soft and comforting to touch as the man who wears them. 

If the handshake at Ray’s is the starting line, the kiss Patrick and David share on David’s birthday is the deafening crack of the starter pistol and the insistence of Now has Patrick’s heart sprinting to an undetermined finish line. Self preservation has him telling David that he needs to take things slow but Patrick has never wanted to move faster toward anything in his life.

Broken is not a word Patrick would have used to describe himself Then but being with David feels like pieces of himself are being arranged into something new and whole. With every kiss, every touch, every stolen night together, undiscovered pieces of Patrick are excavated and fit into the puzzle of his life.

When he first suggests the Open Mic night, Patrick only intends it to be what he tells David it is - a way to get people into the store. But it isn’t until his walk to Town Hall that he starts to think of it as something more. A way to give voice to all the things he wants to say, wants to shout to the world how he feels about his boyfriend - _boyfriend_ \- that he can’t coherently put into his own words.

_“Give me a lifetime of promises and a world of dreams. Speak the language of love like you know what it means.”_

He doesn’t take his eyes off David as he strums and sings. For all that the event is for the community, this performance is for the two of them and Patrick nearly forgets that there are other people in the room. By the time he vocalizes his way into the final chords, Patrick realizes that the cold, hard marble of unease that’s weighed down his diaphragm for most of his life has dissolved and he feels his heart, his ribs, his lungs fill with the warmth and urgency of Now. His whole body is full of a lightness he’s never known before that first handshake that brought David Rose into his life.

He’s so blinded by that light and warmth that he doesn’t see that Then is creeping near, its cold iron fingers closing around Now. He thinks he’s so expertly separated them that there’s no way for the two to collide. Which is why when Alexis walks to the barbecue with Rachel in tow, the marble slams into his stomach once again, now grown to baseball size, and Patrick experiences a familiar, sickening jolt of panic.

He tells David that he makes him feel right, that he’d never known what right was supposed to feel like, and he’s never spoken truer words. Patrick’s stomach roils when David says he’s damaged goods and that this bombshell has made things worse. He’d sooner tear out his own heart than hurt David’s and now he’s broken both of them. Tears prickle his eyes and emotion darkens his windpipe as David tells him he needs time.

Patrick has always been a people person - more accurately, a people pleaser - but he’s good with solitude as well. At least he was until he’d ruined everything. Now that David’s taking time away, Patrick has little to do but busy himself with the Apothecary and to wallow in his misery during the empty hours and minutes without customers. The marble has migrated northward in his chest, pressing on his lungs, further bruising his already aching heart. Giving over to the panic of Then, he reverts to his old ways and sends carefully worded texts along with an abundance of gifts, desperate to bring David back.

After the worst week of his life, Patrick nearly buckles under the sadness of realizing David must not be able to forgive him, that they’re over for good. He remembers the plight of Icarus, enamored of the sun and its light, flying higher and higher until that warmth and light sent him crashing into the sea. As he arranges bath salts on the shelf in front of him, Patrick feels the dripping wax and disintegrating feathers of his own hubris and gives himself to the waves.

When the shop bell rings and David enters, Patrick’s self preservation takes over again. David starts to speak but Patrick beats him to the punch. He apologizes for smothering David, gets him to agree to go back to the before times, then goes back to keeping himself busy.

He doesn’t expect David’s confession later that afternoon and is blindsided by disbelief when David says he was ready to get back together days ago. Patrick’s disbelief turns to exasperated joy as he learns the reason David waited so long and he fights twin urges to both laugh and scream in frustration but privately admits to himself that he deserved the prolonged torture. He wants to hold David, to kiss him senseless, but can’t let him get off easy so he takes David’s face in his hands and tells him to think about what he did. It’s a losing battle to keep the smile off his face when he walks to the cafe.

He shows the same smile to David that night when David lip syncs _The Best_. Patrick’s heart flutters between appreciation and amusement and adoration and all are apparent on his face as David’s performance ends with gusto as he collapses to his knees in front of Patrick. Taking David’s face in his hands again and giving him their first kiss in far too long, Patrick once again feels that lightness and warmth he’s missed during this unbearable separation. He thinks again of Icarus, who loved the sun so much it was his undoing, and he understands what he didn’t before. David is his sun and he loves him enough to let himself be undone.

He tells David as much during the kickoff to Singles Week, but in a language David understands. Patrick is prepared for the wild look in David’s dark eyes but still hopes his declaration doesn’t scare David away. David doesn’t reciprocate and awkwardly hedges his response so Patrick requests a tea and sends David off to Ted’s.

Patrick distracts himself from the instant replay looping in his head by keeping busy with unboxing the Singles Week supplies and tending to the steady stream of customers. David breezes back in and soundly kisses his boyfriend’s lips and Patrick is elated to hear his own sentiments repeated but can’t resist prodding David about forgetting his tea. If David saying “I love you” was the best thing Patrick has ever heard, the second best is the “fuck” David snaps off at his own forgetfulness. Heart full of love and light, Patrick watches the man he loves - the man who loves him in return - hurry out the door to procure him a cup of tea.

When Patrick picks out an apartment, his heart warms even more when he learns David was ready to move in with him. And David does move in with him in a way. His sweaters find their way onto Patrick’s shelves. A bottle of his cologne rests at the corner of the dresser. An extra toothbrush appears in the cup on the bathroom sink. A soft t-shirt and a pair of drop crotch sweatpants are folded in with Patrick’s clothes. Patrick’s name is on the lease but it’s David’s apartment too. 

Patrick basks in the feeling of David’s weight above him as they relish in the privacy they were so rarely afforded at Ray’s or the motel, finds completion where he fits perfectly against the curve of David’s shoulder as they move together. He’s an apt pupil to David’s teachings and he learns so much about himself and David in the one bed room flat. On days the store is closed they spend long mornings in bed, sometimes talking about deep and idle things, other times engrossed in their own phones, but always touching, cuddling, kissing. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Patrick thinks he wouldn’t mind living the rest of his life in that tiny apartment with David.

When Ken gives Patrick his phone number, Patrick is gobsmacked and flattered. Back Then, he’d received plenty of phone numbers from girls in bars and coffeehouses, had even put some of them to use, but this is new for Now Patrick. He’s even more surprised when David actually encourages him to call Ken so that they don’t have to have this conversation five years down the line.

Patrick teases, “So you think we’re gonna be together five years from now?” and David presses harder until Patrick takes Ken’s number from his pocket and goes to the phone. 

That night Patrick gets ready with a feeling of surreality. He buttons up his fresh shirt and wonders what this dinner with Ken means for him and David. David told him to run free but how free exactly? Is this David’s way of saying he wants an open relationship? With trepidation, Patrick picks up his keys and begins the drive to the restaurant in Elmdale where he and Ken are to meet. 

Pulling into the car park at a few minutes to seven, Patrick sees Ken enter the restaurant and he feels sick to his stomach. He feels the fizzle of anxiety ripple across his skin and his mouth goes dry as his pulse begins to quicken. He’d felt this way when he’d proposed to Rachel and a hundred other times before it, had chalked it up to excited nerves, but now he recognizes it for what it is - dread. He’s in a committed relationship with a man whom he deliriously loves. Is he willing to risk all of his happiness with David just to see what else is out there? With slightly trembling fingers, Patrick calls Ken to make his excuses and then drives away.

He drives aimlessly around Elm County for a while, lost in his own thoughts, before turning his car back toward Schitt’s Creek. The cold marble sits heavily in his stomach as he pulls up to the motel because, despite his teasing, he does see himself with David five years from now. In fact, he often imagines them being together a lot longer than that. 

He exhales the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding then exits the car and knocks on David’s door.

“Do I want to hear about it?” David asks by way of greeting.

“I couldn’t do it,” Patrick admits and David seems relieved as he ushers Patrick inside. 

Patrick sincerely explains that he feels no need to meet up with other men at the moment and counts down the seconds until David’s lips are on his and he’s pulled into David’s embrace. He thinks to himself that this is his favorite place to be, that it took him so long to find home and all along it was in the circle of David’s arms.

When his birthday comes around, Patrick figures David has something up his sleeve but doesn’t press him for details and instead enjoys his alone time. David comes by at lunchtime with a pizza and a bouquet of flowers and Patrick greets him with a quick kiss and a squeeze then leans casually against the sofa while David makes conversation. Patrick stiffens as his parents become the topic of discussion.

“They know about us, right?” David asks and Patrick can only turn away in shame. 

He turns back to see David on the sofa, his body one giant clenched muscle, and Patrick flashes back to the barbecue, back when the secret of Rachel had been revealed and he’d nearly lost David. 

The metallic taste of fear fills his mouth and the nausea grips him as he begins his rational explanation for keeping their relationship a secret for so long. It’s the Patrick from Then who does the talking, promising that he’ll tell his parents as soon as he sees them, but the Patrick he is Now is ready to throw himself at David’s feet and beg him not to leave. He can’t begin to fathom losing him again.

His voice quivers when he expresses his fear to David, how afraid he is that telling his parents he’s gay will change things. He knows his parents, knows they’re good, kind, decent people, and knows deep down he has no reason for fear but it still clings to him.

And then David is telling him that his parents are at the motel, that he brought them in for Patrick’s surprise birthday party and the Patrick he was Then, the one so adept at keeping secrets and hiding himself from the truth, is gone and it’s the Now Patrick who has to face what finally coming out to his parents means.

When David offers to just be his business partner that evening, Patrick’s stomach lurches again. He feels his throat constrict and thorns of pain stab at his heart. He doesn’t deserve David, doesn’t deserve his kindness at this moment. Patrick knows how the subterfuge has to have hurt him and Patrick hates himself for doing it, hates that he fell back on old habits of secrecy and deception to keep the status quo. 

“I can’t have you do that,” he says around the heartache lodged in his throat. “I owe it to us to tell them. I want them to know.” 

And he does. He wants his parents to know the man he loves, wants them to love David as much as he does, to see how much David loves him. 

David is kissing his temples and Patrick leans into him and lets himself be held. He wants to stay here in the comfort of David’s embrace but he knows he has to face the music.

He takes his time walking to the cafe that evening. He inhales deeply and then slowly exhales before opening the door to the excited shouts of his friends and family. He hugs David first and then his parents and has to swallow the rising panic as they talk with each other. His parents move to a booth and he voices his fears to David once again but David offers a soft reassurance that he’ll be there to help pick up the pieces if everything falls apart. Patrick takes strength and courage from the I love yous they exchange before he joins his parents.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…” he begins, unable to meet their gaze, his eyes transfixed on his wringing hands. He wants to stop time, to live in this moment where he’s still their Patrick, the one from back Then, the one who lived for baseball and played made up games with his cousins on the lake, who yelled at hockey games with his dad and begged his mom to make apple pie. 

His mother urges him on and he finally says, “David is my boyfriend. And I’ve never been happier in my life. And so I just hope you guys can accept that.”

It only takes a moment for Marcy to grab his hands and assure him that he’s all that matters to them but in that split second Patrick waits for a lightning strike or an earthquake, something devastating and cataclysmic. He’s been so blessed with what he’s been given Now, with David in this new life, that he realizes he’s been waiting for a fallout. Such unearned luck can’t last forever. No matter how the story’s told, Icarus’s wings always melt. 

But the wax holds. They tell him they only want him to be happy. They like David. His unearned luck continues. He sniffles and sighs, suddenly buoyant without the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

When everyone is gone, he pulls David close and they sway together in the middle of the cafe. Patrick quietly and sincerely tells David this might be one of the happiest nights of his life before getting David to confess his parents already knew about them before the party. David rambles everything in a rush and says that he was just trying to make everything okay. With the same quiet sincerity, Patrick tells him he did make everything okay. They kiss and hold one another and Patrick presses his lips to David’s neck then rests against the curve of David’s shoulder, that place where he fits perfectly, where he first found completion.

Something clicks inside his chest though it’s less dramatic than it was the first time he met David. This is softer, an echo of a whisper of something he already knows. 

He wants to marry David Rose. 

He starts looking for the rings before he’s even out of bed the next morning. Over breakfast at the cafe, Patrick fills in his parents on his and David’s relationship and then tells them his plans. Clint and Marcy are eagerly supportive and as he sips his tea Patrick wonders how he could have ever thought they’d be anything less. 

One late night as they sit on the floor of Town Hall, spent and sweaty and exhausted from dance rehearsal, Patrick asks Stevie for her blessing. She’s slow to respond, drawing out her answer just to fuck with him but Patrick doesn’t mind.

“Blessing granted,” she finally says before taking a giant swig from her water bottle. Patrick clutches at his chest then gives an exaggerated sigh and exclaims, “Oh my god, thank you Stevie!” 

She laughs warmly and tells him straightforward, “Just take care of him, okay Patrick?”

He replies, “For the rest of my life.”

On the day that Patrick plans to propose, everything goes wrong. He blames David for complaining so much, he blames himself for not being prepared for David’s complaining, blames Mother Nature for the stick that pierces through his shoe and stabs him in the foot. He finally snaps and veers into petulance, declaring “I want to go home,” as if he were a child. He knows his frustration is outsized and that he shouldn’t take it out on David. If they can just get back down the trail and leave this day behind, something to be remembered in the future as a moderately terrible experience, Patrick promises himself he’ll make it up to David and come up with another plan. 

David insists on continuing. He apologizes for not appreciating Patrick enough but Patrick feels unworthy of the apology. He’s been pretty unappreciative himself. But he gives in to David’s insistence. They continue hiking for a time until Patrick begins to favor his injured foot and, fearing Moira’s wrath if Patrick can’t dance in _Cabaret_ , David adamantly coerces Patrick onto his back for the remainder of the journey.

At the top of the trail, Patrick struggles to maintain his dignity and composure and suggests they enjoy the view from the mountain and save the picnic for another day but David sways him into proceeding. He directs David through pulling items from their hiking bags until he pulls out the flat rectangular box. 

David laughs nervously to see Patrick on one knee. When Patrick proposed to Rachel, there had been music and candles and flowers. He’d given a fancy speech, or as close to one as he could get, and then as soon as Rachel had accepted, Patrick felt awash with dread. Now he’s on top of a mountain, sweaty and dusty and wrung out from the day’s vexations but he has no desire to be anywhere else but with David.

Patrick has rehearsed several versions of his proposal speech but gives the one that feels the most honest and heartfelt. When David asks him if he’s sure, Patrick doesn’t hesitate.

“Easiest decision of my life.” 

He’s made plenty of decisions in his life, makes a thousand of them a day. Some, like the decision to dismantle his life and search for something new, have been difficult and painful. Deciding to spend the rest of his life was David Rose was as easy as breathing.

There is laughter and David says yes with radiant tears in his eyes and Patrick feels like he can fly. Aloft and windborne still, Icarus’s wings are intact; he has reached his lover the sun at last. 

In the afternoon summer light, they sip champagne and Patrick slips the four gold rings onto David’s fingers, delicately kissing each one as he settles it in place. David’s smile is brighter than sunshine and it brings a warmth that radiates through Patrick’s chest. It seeps into his lungs, drips from rib to rib. It pumps through the ventricles of his heart until it spreads throughout his body.

The world is quiet when Patrick first awakens the next morning. He slowly opens one eye to see grey blue light on the other side of the curtains. He’s an early riser but it’s far too soon to start the day, especially when his fiance - _fiance_ \- is curled up beside him so warm and soft and beautiful. 

He shifts on the mattress so that he’s better positioned to study the delicate curves of David’s features and in them he reads a map of their future - imagines the crows’ feet David will spend a fortune to try and diminish, sees the thin etchings of laugh lines at the corners of his perfect mouth from years of smiling indulgently at his husband, pictures threads of grey through David’s dark hair and how distinguished he’ll look when he’s older.

Patrick thinks about a house and, with his eyes wide open, dreams of the home they’ll make someday, a place where they’ll be a family - his parents and the Roses. And Stevie too. But the more he dreams about what could be, the more he realizes he already has what he dreams. He already has a home in David’s arms, in his heart and smile and the tender touch of his hands. And his parents and the Roses and Stevie, they’re part of that home too. With every kiss, every embrace, every laugh, every soft and loving look, they’ve built something solid and carved out a home in each other’s blood and bones. 

He thinks of who he was Then - heartsick, carrying burdens too heavy to lift, searching for a thing he couldn’t name, wondering when Now would arrive. He’d imagined he would have to cut off a piece of the moon or change the oceans into wine before he’d be able to lay down his burdens, to find the thing without a name that would heal his heart. He’d never imagined that a simple handshake would bring him the warmth and urgency of Now, that a graceful smile would salve the bruises on his heart, that the thing without a name was, in fact, named David Rose. 

The light outside is turning from grey to gold and Patrick knows he’ll have to get up soon. Cabaret’s opening night means he’ll have a busy day ahead but he steals a few more moments of this perfect peacefulness. In his sleep, David stirs and his hand instinctively reaches for Patrick, his engagement rings glimmering in the rich morning sun. 

Patrick smiles. He can only imagine what planning a wedding with David will be like and he can’t wait for that adventure. Borrowing an oft quoted phrase from one of David’s beloved rom-coms, he thinks to himself that he wants the rest of his life to start as soon as possible.


End file.
